Ten years ago today, my husband and I stood in front of a judge with two witnesses, and promised to take care of each other FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS. I am not kidding. When we decided to get married, we said to each other, let’s give this marriage thing ten years. At that time, I had no intention of marrying anyone, and I certainly did not have any romanticized image of marriage. As a matter of fact, the reason why we decided to get married was because my husband needed a health insurance, and I had coverage through my employer. I found out a few weeks later though that I could request coverage for domestic partner, but by then we already said, “I do”.
My husband and I often talk about love, relationship, marriage, and how the heck we managed to stay together for ten years (and have three kids!). I often tell him that love is overrated. He laughs and agrees. Well, I should clarify. The LOVE I am talking about here is the feeling you have toward the person you just met or when you first started dating this person. The newness, the lust, “I have been thinking about you all day” or“I want you right now” that kind of love. When my husband and I met 11 years ago, we were inseparable. We were literally attached to each others’ hips. We did not live together, but we saw each other every single day for 6 months. We were so in love. We were groping each other in public. We were the epitome of public display of affection. We were disgusting. Then we got married only after 9 months, and life began. Everyone, including ourselves, had a slight doubt that our marriage would last more than a few years, let alone 10 years. But here we are today after ten years.
What makes or breaks the marriage? I have no clue. How the relationship works is personal, and unique. You can read and talk about what a “good marriage” is in theory, but in reality, it depends on the couple, and how the couple find the way to work together. During these ten years we have been through a lot. There were times, and more than a few times, when I doubted if we made the right decision to get married. I thought many times that I would be happier without him. I am pretty sure he has thought about it. Then we became parents, which added another layer to our relationship, but it is a whole different topic. With trial and error, though, we found our rhythm both as partners and as parents. After ten years, I can say that he is not only my husband and the father of my children, but also he is my best friend. We are not perfect, far from it. We have many flaws, but we are willing to accept each other, and appreciate who we are. We are willing to forgive, and to change ourselves. In short, Marriage is work, and if anyone says different then they are fooling themselves.
Happy 10th anniversary, my dear husband. Let’s do this for another 10 years.
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